I didn’t win the lottery again this weekend
So decided to lodge a formal complaint.
————— Forwarded message —————
From: Jason Pickett <jaytmek@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Jul 19, 2009 at 11:58 PM
Subject: Lack of winning
To: complaints@national-lottery.co.uk
Dear Camelot,
Hows it going?
I hate to dive straight into business but this has to be said.
Firstly, I don’t like to call you a liar, but modern scholars claim that Camelot never actually existed. I was hoping you’d be able to clear this up for me? I’ll pass the message on to the scolars and the mystery can be solved forever. I know the main question is based around your exact location? I think its because no one can find you. A large castle is normally easy to spot, but perhaps you are good at hiding! Are you currently engaged in a long standing game of hide and seek with King Richard? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but King Richard died in like 1199. Hes probably not going to find you at this point. If you want to stop hiding then i’d be glad to make you a cup of tea and catch you up on things. Did you know Michael Jackson died? I guess you don’t know who he is, but its a pretty big deal. I’ll bring the “Thriller” album over so you can give it a listen.
Anyway, On to my second item of business. I’ve been playing the lottery online for a while now, and am disappointed to say that i’ve not yet won the jackpot. I am trying to meet you halfway here, but it seems that you aren’t helping me out. I know you’ve been busy hiding, but I like to think that this e-mail should stop you feeling that you need to do that. So if you could throw a jackpot this way, it would be greatly appreciated!
I hope you’re not worried that I am King Richard trying to lure you out of hiding so he can beat you at hide and seek. I’m really not! He really, really is dead. I hope you’re not too sad about that.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and complain at the same time, but i’m sure you understand!
Thanks for your time!
I hope you have a fine day.
Sincerely,
Jason Pickett
